As you may have been able to figure out, there are many things I come across in this world that just set me off. One of those things is super mushy Facebook status posts. I guess I’m at that age where all of my friends are marrying off and getting into that “honeymoon phase,” where everything is peachy perfect. And for some reason they seem to think that everyone else wants to hear about. Well, I’ve got news for them: I don’t. If I see too many such updates, they are grounds for removing you from my news feed. I usually do not go so far as the dreaded “unfriending,” because generally speaking these are people for whom I harbor no real ill will; I just get sick bearing witness to the same old, awkward cliches.
‘Awkward cliches?’ you ask. ‘Whatever can you mean by that?’
If you are curious, then you are in luck, because this is my rant, and I’m going to introduce you to number one on the list: my romantic relationship with ‘my best friend.’
Apparently in American society today, a relationship is not worth having unless it is with ‘your best friend.’ If you are not married or engaged to or living with ‘your best friend,’ then something is wrong with your relationship. At least, that is what I have been able to deduce from the all-revealing Facedbook. Any of my friends who have made mention of their recent (or pending) nuptials, have also made mention of the fact that they are so happy that the other party involved is also their best friend.
But I tell you what. If my best friend (my actually best friend, towards whom I have no romantic inclinations) posts on her Facebook wall that she is super-duper-awesome happy to be in a relationship with her ‘best friend,’ I think I will immediately un-friend her, followed shortly by a phone call explaining to her in precisely which ways she both offended and confused me. And because she is my best friend, I’m sure she’ll understand, because she knows I’m not the ever-supportive, mushy, caring best friend. I’m the jealous, you’re my favorite, straighten-up-or-I’ll-kick-you best friend who doesn’t let anything slide but cares for you anyway. Which, personally, I find to be the best kind of best friend, but I’m obviously biased. But, that is neither here nor there. The point is that my best friend is my best friend, nothing more, nothing less, and I plan to keep it that way.
What really makes me mad about this entire situation, however, is my Facebook friends’ apparent lack of understanding of both the English language and the institution of marriage. Because you see, when two people have a very special relationship and they love each other very much, so much, in fact, that they decide to pledge their lives to each other in a special ceremony in front of friends and family with the blessings of both, we do not refer to these people as “best friends.” We, as a society, invented a very clever, succinct phrase to distinguish this relationship from all others, namely “husband and wife.” (Or if you’re going to go all modern family on me, “husband and husband” or “wife and wife”). And this particular relationship, as their pledges, otherwise known as marriage vows, illuminate supercedes all other relationships, including family and best friends.
So, my chicas, don’t get me wrong. I am very happy that you are happy, but I wish to make a simple request. Do not belittle the incredibly powerful relationship you have with your husband by relegating him to the status of ‘best friend.’ He is so much more than your best friend, and I imagine that’s why you got (or in the near future intend to be) married. And I say ‘my chicas,’ because it is my lady friends who tend to be the worst offenders, but this standard applies equally to the dudes. Don’t be afraid to call her your wife! Grow up and say it like it is, like you really mean it! Don’t settle for the ‘best friend’ cliche!